I had an interesting conversation with a group of Christian women who expressed their desire to feel self-confidence, especially that they were a daughter of a God, but that they had purposely been living small to avoid the sin of being prideful! And the most troubling thing to me, was these women were in the twilight years of their life. They weren’t young insecure mothers. They had lived through all seasons of life, and were coming face to face with the reality that they had tried to live small.
After this discussion, I KNEW we had to make this more of a subject in our everyday conversations, and especially in our community and church settings. How can we grow in our self confidence and assurance that we have worth and potential beyond what we can mortally see?
I have brought in a special guest, Life Coach Heidi Dunkley to share her expertise on this subject. I have personally been coached by Heidi and she has taught ME how to have more self-confidence too!
A little bit about Heidi before we begin:
Heidi Dunkley is a Master Certified Coach with The Life Coach School and has
coached thousands of clients on how to stop trash talking themselves so they
can actually build a loving relationship with themselves first – and then go
create magic in their lives. She describes herself as, “a perfectly imperfect
human who loves peanut butter, rainstorms, connecting with her husband
and 7 children, and is on a mission to help women feel the LOVE!”
Isn't she incredible?
Here are her thoughts on self-confidence:
If I had a dime for every time a client has said things like:
“But, if I am self-confident, that means I am not being grateful or humble.”
“I don’t want to come off as arrogant, or acting like I am ‘better’ than
“I don’t want to be prideful about myself.”
Friends, trust me- I would have enough dimes to be writing this blog post
from a private island.
These kinds of things come up for clients because they are generally
confusing self-confidence with arrogance. So, let’s get that all tidied up so you
can stop shutting yourself down, belittling yourself, and making yourself
Self-confidence is simply a feeling of trust in your abilities, qualities, and
judgment. It is creating a relationship with yourself that you trust yourself to
do what you say you will do. It is knowing, that no matter what the end result
looks like, you will not beat yourself up. It is your overall opinion of yourself.
(And friends, some of y’all have a pretty judgmental story about yourself that
we need to check in with.)
Arrogance usually comes from a place of false self-confidence and is based
on fear. Arrogance feeds of thinking that you are better than someone and
then trying to prove it by putting others down. This doesn’t feel good.
Self-confidence stems from a belief that we are ALL amazing, lovable, and
capable. It comes from a deep sense of gratitude and recognizing the power
that you have been given within. It is owning and receiving the gifts you have
been given that make you uniquely you.
Is it possible that we can celebrate, trust, and acknowledge ourselves AND
still be grateful and loving? Yes! 1000% Yes!
Set your timer, take a few breaths, close your eyes and ask yourself:
How would you plan your time differently if you felt more confident?
What things would you let go from your life if you felt more confident?
What would you start doing in your life if you felt more confident?